Relationships. Can't live with them, can't live without them! In my work I talk with a lot of women about their experiences in their intimate relationships and often there is this moment when we look at each other and say, "why does anyone do this"???
That is a really good question! Brene Brown says, "we are hardwired for connection" and for me this means connection/relationships are the point of this life. Relationships are where there is the opportunity for healing, learning and growing. And hopefully some fun along with that!
It can be really easy to spend a lot of time blaming the other person in the relationship for why things are not the way we want them to be. We find safety and security in making our pain about someone else's choices or behaviors rather than looking deep into ourselves for the source of our unhappiness.
But guess what? That is never the answer. The answers are within us. The healing, growing and learning is about us. Brene also says, "stay in your lane" referencing when she's swimming and the need to stay in the lane she's in. It's also often described as "cleaning up your side of the street".
So what needs attending to IN YOU in order to create the relationship that you truly desire?
1. Write down a list of all the things you blame your significant other for or all the ways you want them to change.
2. Now cross off any references to them and put "I" in front of the statement.
3. Choose one item each day/week to focus on within yourself. Journal, consciously try and do something different, offer yourself some compassion. Whatever you need to do in order to heal this wound in yourself.
**Just a note for those of you not in an intimate relationship. This can be applied to any relationship (friend, family member, boss). Our patterns show up in all of them!
BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE
I'm here if you want to explore your side of the street more fully. Just send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org